Tony Soprano gets it in the end

With the last episode of The Sopranos ready to air tomorrow night, many theories on Tony's fate are being floated in the media and at office water coolers.

Last week's episode ended with an ominous scene: Tony laying down on a bare mattress in a safe house, bringing to bed a shotgun whose business end he positioned -- just for a moment -- eerily close to his mouth. One had to wonder - if his intent was self-protection, why wasn't the gun pointed at the door? Did he intend to protect himself by shooting murderers bursting through the door, or was he ready to beat them to the punch by offing himself?

A lot of people think he'll get whacked by the rival New York family, with Paulie ending up as boss of a much weaker Jersey crew, which would be a lame finish to what's been a groundbreaking and widely analyzed drama.

I don't think Tony comes to a fatal end -- at least not from the corporeal sense. What, for him, would be a fate worse than death? Here's my thought on the closing scene of the final episode:

Reprising an oft-used scene, we see Tony's slippered feet once again walking down a macadam driveway, stopping to pick up a newspaper at his feet. This time, however, it isn't the Newark Star-Ledger (the Newspaper for New Jersey), but The Journal-Star, (Lincoln, Nebraska's News and Information Source). The same dingy white bathrobe loosely opened to reveal his boxer shorts and guinea tee, he opens the paper to read the headline: "Nebraskan Anderson Soars in Space Shuttle." A resigned look on his face, he turns to walk back to the house, a suburban split level ranch house.

Tony Soprano is dead, replaced by Kevin Finnerty. No good capicola (gabbagool), no bracciole, no strip clubs, nobody to drive him around, and no wife wearing expensive clothes and an array of guilt-induced gift jewelry.

The question David Chase leaves us with is: What would be worse -- getting whacked by the New York crew, or a life without the spoils of a life of intimidation and brute force? Is Agent Harris' solution any better for Tony than Phil Leotardo's?

Then again, it wouldn't be half bad if Tony were to get a job at an animal shelter. Maybe getting some unconditional love would do him some good. That is, if he didn't go after the people who abused or neglected the shelter animals in the first place. We all remember what happened to Ralphie Cifaretto when he had Pie-O-My's stable torched.

(And gee, I just realized this makes two consecutive posts featuring TV characters played by balding, middle-aged guys from Jersey. Actually, three, if you count Joe Pantoliano. I promise I'll stop.)