Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Fiendishly brilliant

Both Bushes -- HW and W -- had truly inspired choices for vice president. Yes, they chose wisely when they selected the men who would be, as they say, a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Back in the early 80's, of course, it was Dan Quayle. Not only was he portrayed as goofier and dumber than any other choice the elder Bush could have made, his wife was truly scary. Yes, scary. On so many levels.

And, of course, the younger Bush selected Dick Cheney, the scariest man on the planet. Even scarier than Marilyn Quayle.

Now, don't both of them seem like the best insurance policies the Bushes could have? Who would take a shot at either the father or the son if the result would be Quayle or Cheney in the White House? And who would move to impeach either Bush if the result would be President Quayle or President Cheney (just the thought gives me shivers).

You have to admit: it's a pretty smart move to make your own replacement option far scarier than you. Gotta give them credit.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Random musings from 'boken

Okay, so I was wrong about Tony. I have to admit that I liked Chase's ending much better. In both cases, let's face it, Tony has to spend the rest of his life with eyes in the back of his head. Not a way to live a life, is it?

"The state crushes the individual."

"What, New Jersey?"

Since the end of the Seinfeld experiment, the Mets have been tanking and the Yanks have been surging. Still and all, I refuse to go back. Hmm. Ironically, that's the opposite of what I would have done in the past. Only one thing to say: "Newman!" Oh, and the Amazins have to take two of three this weekend. Please.

Hoboken, once the land of drunken post-college frat boys, appears to have become an Aprica stroller showroom. From public vomiting and urination in the street, the scene has evolved into dirty diapers and spitting up on a bib. I expect that in another 20 years, those who are soiling the Huggies will be back to barf on the sidewalk after the bars close. The cycle of life, indeed.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Tony Soprano gets it in the end

With the last episode of The Sopranos ready to air tomorrow night, many theories on Tony's fate are being floated in the media and at office water coolers.

Last week's episode ended with an ominous scene: Tony laying down on a bare mattress in a safe house, bringing to bed a shotgun whose business end he positioned -- just for a moment -- eerily close to his mouth. One had to wonder - if his intent was self-protection, why wasn't the gun pointed at the door? Did he intend to protect himself by shooting murderers bursting through the door, or was he ready to beat them to the punch by offing himself?

A lot of people think he'll get whacked by the rival New York family, with Paulie ending up as boss of a much weaker Jersey crew, which would be a lame finish to what's been a groundbreaking and widely analyzed drama.

I don't think Tony comes to a fatal end -- at least not from the corporeal sense. What, for him, would be a fate worse than death? Here's my thought on the closing scene of the final episode:

Reprising an oft-used scene, we see Tony's slippered feet once again walking down a macadam driveway, stopping to pick up a newspaper at his feet. This time, however, it isn't the Newark Star-Ledger (the Newspaper for New Jersey), but The Journal-Star, (Lincoln, Nebraska's News and Information Source). The same dingy white bathrobe loosely opened to reveal his boxer shorts and guinea tee, he opens the paper to read the headline: "Nebraskan Anderson Soars in Space Shuttle." A resigned look on his face, he turns to walk back to the house, a suburban split level ranch house.

Tony Soprano is dead, replaced by Kevin Finnerty. No good capicola (gabbagool), no bracciole, no strip clubs, nobody to drive him around, and no wife wearing expensive clothes and an array of guilt-induced gift jewelry.

The question David Chase leaves us with is: What would be worse -- getting whacked by the New York crew, or a life without the spoils of a life of intimidation and brute force? Is Agent Harris' solution any better for Tony than Phil Leotardo's?

Then again, it wouldn't be half bad if Tony were to get a job at an animal shelter. Maybe getting some unconditional love would do him some good. That is, if he didn't go after the people who abused or neglected the shelter animals in the first place. We all remember what happened to Ralphie Cifaretto when he had Pie-O-My's stable torched.

(And gee, I just realized this makes two consecutive posts featuring TV characters played by balding, middle-aged guys from Jersey. Actually, three, if you count Joe Pantoliano. I promise I'll stop.)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Seinfeld experiment is over!

Y'all were right. The quirks got way too annoying.

So much for doing the exact opposite of what hasn't worked in the past.

All I can say is "Not groovy."

Now all we can hope is that the Yankees continue to tank.